Weird how time has passed real fast... wounds have healed... scars have formed... and of cos they can't be forgotten no matter what...
At the end of the day... the same question exists.... whats in the plan for me... do i take decisions into my own hands ... so called freedom of choice... or sit and wait... yes i know one has to be pro active... but... doesn't being reactive hurts a little lesser?
WOW! what a week... other than marking.. marking and marking... God really sent loads of ppl my way to fill up the gaps... i won't say i was in the bestest form.. but hey... its been a gd week...
today at mass father mentioned... the bigger u are the bigger ur cross will be... so i guess i just got to suck it in and carry!
Wow.. how time flies... approx 6 months have come and gone... i'm once again i'm in crisis mode again... what am i supposed to do... even i'm uncertain on what i'm supposed to do... i had to make a stand.. to protact my sanity... myself... but.. when the noise settles... when its in the dark of nite.. it hurts.. it really does.. and i've no idea what to do... y put me in such a position only to end up being hurt? sigh... i hope it will be a better day ahead...
Many ok perhaps.. a few have asked me y i'm not updating these days...
here's 1 gd reason.. there's such a thing called google which i'm so much afraid of kids finding me.. hahaha...which might not be a gd thing.
anyway.. its been at least 3 months since the last update.
First and foremost.. practicum is over... in just a blink of an eye... i must say.. the experience was wonderful. being throw into the deep end does help u along the learnin curve. And i thank god for the wonderful ppl he has placed in my path to guide me and mould me...
Well the kids were wonderful and yet challanging at the same time... and of cos Maths.. sigh that was a headache..but my CT and kids were understanding enough...
As for econs... i think its a fun experience and hopefully it will continue for the next 3 yrs.
In other parts of my life... TV has been most of it... other than a certain unknown which i'm still awaitin results...
weird many tell me... but i guess what makes us human.. and me mark is the notion of HOPE... and so i continue to live in it...
but it has been takin its toll on me i must say... stress is settin in and i can't really sleep at night... hopefully it will go away soon... perhaps... its also a part of me that may be unwilling to face the truth should it turn out bad...
so i'm in prayer again.. asking for guidence and peace...
There are things happening in my life at the moment and its both a Joy and a pain.. ok i won't call it a pain but it too is a source of misery. No i'm not talkin about teaching.. that one will come into play real soon. but i'm sure i'll be able to cope. for this... its not really my call, and i guess i get "screwed up" when things are not really in my call. i think i need to be a boss. not a worker.. i'll i crazy one day if i get rubbish bosses. for now everything at CJ is really going well... well it cos nothing is starting yet... yet is the word.. come tues the mad rush will begin where i'll be aimin for 11th may which would mark the end of practicum and then bye bye LP... i hope...
if ur reading this and have spare pray space.. add me to the list.. thanks loads!
Went to CSS CAW rally last night.. and i must say.. it was a success!
God thru that event has shown me what i felt over the past 1-2 yrs.. that he was preparing CSS for greater thing.. nevermind that it took us a few dacades to move out of NUS.. it was like it's said.. In God's Time...
I have always felt that the last CSS president and the current one are like John Paul II. Y? Cos they are the ones.. that have never really been involved.. and suddenly they are up there leading.. And i felt there would be change... cos.. they have never been of the system.. hence.. would not be "fearful" of change.. they just did what God called them to do.. and boy did they do a gd job. Of cos i can't comment beyond 5 yrs.. but during my journey there.. it was moving from faculty to a CSS as a community.. yes it took 2-3 yrs.. but now that we are ready... Poof! we are moving OUT... 1st event and it was a blast! and i must agree that it should be the way as we are the future of the church and leader in our own right. FCG, CGs.. all these were formed to build the faith of the leaders a piller to rely on.. and my caution to those in there if they happen to read this.. never let that crumble... and always keep God as your foucs.
For my own faith.. i think once again i was tested.I think everyone new and old within CSS at least Arts.. know how i dislike PnW... but hey.. i set thru it all and i think it was pretty interesting.. watching the kids have fun. But i still feel that "praying" for Funds and the use of scriptures to increase the potential of funds is downright disgusting! for Goodness sake.. if u want to quote scripture.. do it properly.. convince me that its in there.. do just do a sweep statement! and i believe in God will provide. so just ask for LOVE offering.. need to PRAY that we will recieve a hundard fold for giving! Pls we are lowering our standards to that of our lost siblings.
Another thing that i have problems with is the praying over thing... when its from the lost siblings.. i would just dismiss it as some are faking it.. of cos i do not disbelieve that there are in fact ppl who would collapse.. However when its happening in our church.. i'm SHOCKED! i really feel that some are faking it.. these are kids for cryin out loud.. i don't deny the power of the HS or GOD but.. not when everyone is dropping like flies!
To tell u the truth.. i was praying very hard at my seat.. for faith to believe.. and trust.. but yet again i felt empty.. and just shocked.. Perhaps in God's Time.. it did take me 2 over yrs before i truely believed in the exsistence of God.. the count started when i first doubted.. so perhaps.. it will take another 2 yrs.. but i did get the slightest hint during homily today at mass... Father was just.. trust .. all u need is a little trust.. of cos.. it has to be for me.. cos 1 i was late for mass.. miss 1st reading and the reponse. And what he said had not much link to the the 2nd reading or gospel.. hence.. i think.. that was meant for me..
So.. for now.. i'll just have to live wif a little trust...
Happy CNY in case i don blog before then.. cheers!
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